If you have been focused on your personal development for any length of time, you may feel like you have self-discovery down to a science. You know how to quiet yourself down, tune in to your inner dialogue and ignore mainstream society’s idea of what constitutes success in favor of what makes your authentic self happy.
All the above are great. They truly are. You need to have these skills in your personal development toolbox if you want to find true success and fulfillment.
At the same time, by relying solely on your own experiences or those of a tightly knit group, you risk becoming very insular. By that, I mean that you close off your worldview. You have decided that this is what I think and this is how I feel and then you are no longer open to other possibilities. In other words, you begin to lose sight of the big picture.
Singing the Blues
Let’s look at an example of this…
Unless you’ve been living on a deserted island for the last decade, you are probably familiar with American Idol. It spun-off from the UK’s Pop Idol and has spawned similar competitions throughout the world. The show is ultimately about weeding through thousands of singing auditions until the voting public crowns one contestant the American Idol.
The first few episodes are devoted to the mass auditions held throughout the country, and viewers are treated to some truly interesting singing styles. Invariably, some of the wishful contestants are tone deaf and are adamant that yes, they are the next American Idol!
After all, their mom told them they are good. Their church choir director told them they were good. Their friends told them they were good. But really, they need training, direction — they need to address their skill set and how they can improve; otherwise, they risk insular thinking. These people were determined that they were good singers. They surrounded themselves with others who reinforced their beliefs.
Self-Discovery Means Looking Outside the Box
Not that you are lying to yourself… but you might be limiting your possibilities.
You see, when you have a hope or dream that really speaks to your core, you can have tunnel vision. That passion that fuels you is fabulous, but it can also be limiting. You lose sight of everything else which means that you are working with an incomplete picture.
To build success, you need to expand your circle of vision and consider other perspectives.
So when your mother-in-law tells you that she thinks you’ll have a hard time making it as an actor, you need to give that consideration without letting it rule your worldview.
This is very important.
Too many of my clients swing from extremes. Let’s use another example… you are having a family dinner and mention that you are auditioning for a role in a play. Your mother-in-law – dear, sweet thing that she is – says, ‘Oh honey, you’re really not planning to pursue acting are you? How ever will you feed your family?’
Do you respond by thinking…
A.) Miriam says I can’t act. I’m such a loser – time to go back to school and study to become an accountant.
B.) Miriam should just mind her own business. What does she know anyway? Brad Pitt has nothing on me!
C.) I wonder what Miriam means by that? Do I need to brush up my acting skills? Are there not enough jobs in the area?
Just as we shouldn’t let others dictate our hopes and dreams, we shouldn’t automatically dismiss those who disagree with us. As tactless as your mother-in-law might be, you need to honestly consider whether there is any truth to her words.
If there is a nugget of truth in her statement, that doesn’t mean you throw up your hands and resign yourself to never acting. It means that you identify that as a challenge you need to face head-on if you want to succeed.
Maybe you need to brush up on your acting skills. Maybe it will be hard to sustain an acting career in Des Moines, Iowa. Or maybe your mother-in-law is just spreading some negative energy and needs to be ignored.
All of these are obstacles that can be overcome (like limiting family dinners with your mother-in-law!), but you can’t meet those challenges head-on until you’ve identified them. And that means sometimes going outside yourself to complete your self-discovery.
In what ways do you limit your thinking? How do you get out of that little box that dictates how you see the world?
Image via opimentas on Flickr
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